Calm Parenting University Workshop Session 4 Recap

Since our Calm Parenting Workshop on June 24, I have been on a journey to become the father, the parent that God created me to be so that I could raise my children to become everything God created them to be. I have laughed and cried, had great moments and monumental letdowns, but through it all I have grown. I have grown as a parent. I have grown as a husband. I have grown as a man. And our home, our family is better for it.

I have been praying that you would experience the same growth that I have been living. And I continue to pray that God guides you on your journey to become the parent God has created you to be so that you can raise the twenty-three year old, healthy, well-adjusted adults God has created your children to be.

CPU Workshop Session 4 Recap

Key Idea:

Instead of trying to externally motivate your children, it’s critical to spark internal motivation so they can take responsibility for their own lives.

10 Strategies to Motivate Your Kids:

  1. Raise your kids according to THEIR way, not yours.
  2. Speak to your kids like adults. It makes them feel safe.
  3. Replace lectures with intense praise. Create a vision of who your child can be.
  4. Motivate kids by respecting their space and removing yourself.
  5. Practice servant leadership.
  6. Rebuild your relationship.
  7. Address the deeper issues.
  8. Meet needs instead of changing behavior.
  9. Spark internal motivation.
  10. Reach into your child’s heart.

Key Scriptures:

  1. Proverbs 22:6
  2. Luke 15:4-6
  3. Matthew 20:26-28
  4. Matthew 21:28-32

Action Steps:

  1. Praise your children with intensity.
  2. Consider apologizing for lecturing, yelling, or being controlling.
  3. Make a list of your child’s natural gifts, talents and passions.

May God bless you richly through your ongoing journey to become more of what God created you to be so your kids can become more of what He created them to be.

Calm Parenting University Workshop Session 3 Recap

Are you beginning to notice a new atmosphere in your home? Are you starting to experience a new hope for your home? I continue to pray that God will use these concrete practical strategies to help you on your journey to become the parents God has created us to be so that we can raise the twenty-three year old, healthy, well-adjusted adults God has created our children to be.

CPU Workshop Session 3 Recap

Key Idea:

When was the last time you physically showed your children HOW to handle their anger, frustration and disappointment? Emotional meltdowns and defiance are tremendous opportunities to teach our children the lifelong skill of self-control while building a closer relationship.

10 Strategies to Stop Defiance, Disrespect, and Meltdowns:

  1. Do not provoke. How do we provoke our kids?
  2. Do not react. Ever.
  3. Practice acknowledgement to defuse situations.
  4. Do not misjudge your kids’ motives.
  5. Get to the root of the issue.
  6. Put it back in your child’s court. Give them ownership.
  7. Teach your kids how to disagree respectfully.
  8. Demonstrate self-respect when your kids are outwardly defiant or ignore you.
  9. Match your kids’ intensity with problem solving.
  10. Turn meltdowns into an opportunity.

Key Scriptures:

  1. Proverbs 15:1
  2. Colossians 3:21
  3. Proverbs 15:8

Actions Steps:

  1. Reach out to one other parent this week. Share a listening ear and encouragement.
  2. Practice the power of acknowledgement this week.
  3. Develop a new calming routine as a family.

May God bless you richly this week as you move forward to becoming more of what God created you to be so your kids can become more of what God created them to be.

Calm Parenting University Workshop Session 2 Recap

My journey as a Christian, husband, and father has been filled with earth-shattering sorrows and life-giving joys, humbling defeats and overwhelming victories, with less and less of myself while I become more and more.

Perhaps you were as surprised as I was that the first things we need to do as parents to change our homes and lives is to take care of ourselves. My earliest years as a parent were filled with my search for methods that would change my children’s behavior, but the truth is that I first needed to change my own behavior.

I pray that you have been able begin applying the first ten strategies and have been working on the three action steps from session 1. I am continuing to pray for you as we continue to grow into the parents God has called us to be so that we can raise the twenty-three year old, healthy, well-adjusted adults God has called our children to be.

CPU Workshop Session 2 Recap

Key Idea:

Most of us have tried escalating consequences, bribing, begging, threatening and yelling to get our kids to behave… but nothing changes. This week, our focus is on building the lifelong character trait of self-control in our children.

Key Principles:

  1. Discipline is something you do FOR your child, not TO your child.
  2. Disciple is NOT punishment, discipline is teaching.
  3. Discipline is love.

10 Strategies to Discipline & Get Your Kids to Listen:

  1. Rewind and replay.
  2. Give kids tools to succeed.
  3. Give kids choices and ownership (if you were there, think pots and pans example).
  4. Take action. Act with integrity.
  5. Practice impulse control.
  6. Lead without fear.
  7. Establish proper boundaries between parents and children.
  8. Do not allow tantrums to work.
  9. Get to the root of the issue. Come alongside.
  10. Call your child’s bluff.

Key Scriptures:

  1. Proverbs 29:17
  2. Hebrews 12:6
  3. Hebrews 12:11
  4. Matthew 5:37
  5. Hebrews 4:16

Action Steps:

  1. Take time to reflect on how you were disciplined as a child.
  2. Practice one new discipline tool this week.
  3. Give your kids tools.

May God bless you richly this week as you move forward to becoming more of what God created you to be so your kids can become more of what God created them to be.

 

Calm Parenting University Workshop Session 1 Recap

I had a great day at the Calm Parenting University Workshop on June 24th. I enjoyed listening to the stories of the many parents who joined us,hearing from their hearts. I also enjoyed hearing from Kirk Martin and learning 40 concrete strategies to stop defiance, disrespect and yelling.

Truth be told, however, it was a TON OF INFORMATION to cram in to six short hours. I have been praying that God would work in and through the lives of every parent touched by the workshop – to help them apply these strategies to more effectively parent our children.

As I continue to pray for each of the CPU Workshop participants over the next several weeks, I am going to provide follow up posts summarizing each of the four sessions and include a list of action steps with each.

I pray that this information serves as a blessing for each of the parents who joined us at our workshop. I am also praying that each person to read this would be blessed by this.

Remember: You are not raising a child. You are raising a twenty-three year old, healthy, well-adjusted adult who makes good decisions.

CPU Workshop Session 1 Recap

Key Idea:

It is not your job to control your child’s behavior. Your job is to control your own behavior… and teach your kids how to control their own emotions, moods, and behavior.

10 Strategies to Stop the Yelling, Lecturing, and Power Struggles:

  1. Control yourself.
  2. Demonstrate self-respect.
  3. Step back so your kids can step up.
  4. Conquer your control issues.
  5. Stop controlling people’s emotions.
  6. Control your own anxiety.
  7. Identify your triggers.
  8. Say no to rushing, over-commitment and toxic influences.
  9. Say yes to self-care.
  10. Do the opposite of what your anxiety is telling you to do.

Key Scriptures:

Proverbs 25:28
Proverbs 16:32
Galatians 6:22-23
Matthew 7:3-5

Actions Steps:

  1. Do one activity this week to demonstrate self-care and self-respect.
  2. Identify one trigger this week and create a plan to counter it.
  3. Practice one new habit this week.

May God bless you richly this week as you move forward to becoming more of what God created you to be so your kids can become more of what God created them to be.

Submit to Your Spouse

February is upon us, and with it comes one of the most intimidating and daunting days of the year. Awkward teenage boys fear this day while young women everywhere anticipate its arrival with great excitement. Wives all across our nation are heartbroken by a plague of men who NEVER understand the meaning and importance of this day.

Valentine’s Day, February 14th every year, is coming and it will bring a surge in the sales of chocolate, roses, and Kleenex. A friend of mine suggested one time that Valentine’s Day was created by a couples’ counselor who needed extra work.

In reality, Valentine’s Day is a remarkable time of year for us to celebrate the most important relationship God has given us (with any person). Whether married, engaged, courting, or “just friends,” this is a day in which we can intentionally pour honor, love, respect, and appreciation upon that one special person in your life.

When a Christian couple is dating, courting, or engaged – the primary purpose of that relationship should be the preparation for marriage. When a couple is married, the marriage relationship should be the most important interpersonal relationship. Period. Your spouse is a gift from God (Proverbs 19:14), fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14), for you to love, honor, cherish, adore, and submit to (Ephesians 5:21-33).

Yes, husband, your wife is to submit to you, but you are to submit to your wife as well. Husband, you should honor your wife, sacrifice yourself for her, love her, cherish and nourish her, and give yourself up for her. What does this mean in your relationship? I don’t know, but your wife does. Ask her.

Wives, yes I know that your husband can sometimes be an insensitive jerk. Often, he doesn’t even seem to respect your time or ideas. How can you submit to someone you are having a hard time respecting? How can you respect a man who doesn’t seem to respect you? By choosing to serve him in love. By choosing to appreciate what he does for you, rather than resent what he doesn’t do for you.

Marriage is a difficult relationship for us, sinners, to get right. Thank God for His Son, gifted to us so that through His life, death, burial, and resurrection we might become the righteousness of God and learn to live this life well. Thank God that at the cross, He gives us hope for marriage.

Men often ask how it is that they can love a wife who does not respect them. Women often ask how they can respect a husband who does not love them. The answer for both is the same: Lead in love, choosing to submit yourself to your spouse out of reverence for Christ (Ephesians 5:21) because He loves you. And maybe Valentine’s Day this year can give you an excuse to practice.

Happy Valentine’s Day!